Most of you have heard by now that I was in a car wreck, and our car was totaled.  I wasn't totaled--just a little knock to the head (yes, I got checked out by medical professionals)--but apparently I'm not immune to the whole emotional fallout thing.  I have triggers and it'll take a while to desensitize them.  Like my DH likes to say, we all have scars.  Mine are still fresh, and it'll take a while for them to scab over.

I don't have a lot of identity tied up in our vehicles.  I'm fond of them, and they're a major thing in my life, but they're not as intimate as a home.  Still, there's some relationship stuff there, not like with a living thing, but still stuff.  Sometimes cars feel alive, and have personalities, and I do a lot to take care of mine.  Oil, maintenance, keeping them clean, being aware when there's a little off sound or feel to them.  

I miss our red Corolla a lot.  Our previous car was running like a champ, but getting on in years and mileage and we needed a new car because reliability after 200,000 miles tends to drop off.  Now that older vehicle, with 236 plus thousand miles on it, is once again our main vehicle.  I feel like I'm hanging from a cliff's edge by my fingers.  It's irrational, I know.  I think as I heal back from the (gawd, I feel so emo for using the next word) trauma, I won't feel so vulnerable.  We do still have the pickup truck (though it needs repairs) and I can have the Chevy Nova fixed up if something happens to the Sentra.  But that will be falling back on even older vehicles.  

This is where living in a rural area can be kind of a bummer.  It's over an hour walk/jog to get to the nearest bus stop and grocery store (they're within a few blocks of each other.)  Longer going the other way, uphill.  Biking without a shoulder on those steep curves and blind hills is extremely dangerous.  Without a vehicle, our ability to shop and get to work would be beyond inconvenient.  And we're not set up for living off the land with only occasional trips into town.

I wonder if the kids' school bus can legally give me a ride ...

Anyway, it sucks feeling this fragile.  Time, blah blah blah.  It'll be better after all the insurance stuff is taken care of, I hope.

 I had my first dizzy spell in a long time.  This feels much different from the Never Ending Dizzy Spells of Yore which were caused by some sort of disfunction never pinpointed by science (but for which they gave me an MRI and seizure tests and dispensed, er, interesting drugs to try to resolve.)  This was low blood pressure brought on by exercise and a change in elevation that my body decided was too extreme.  I'm still dizzy now (about fifteen minutes later) but this doesn't feel unusual or bad to me--I have low blood pressure anyway, which is good for long-term health, but occasionally bites me on the ass at other times.  I feel like I'm a little woogedy and that it will resolve once my body figures out that duh, we need more pressure in the system to function.

I say this often but it bears repeating--I hardly ever post here.  If you want to read a more regular blog about all things kzmiller, visiting my other blog.

After about a week of half-assed puttering around, I'm back to daily exercise with Jillian.  Man, she kills me, in a good way.  I got in a good 20 minutes of cardio and 5 minutes warmup before the dumb dizzy spell, which btw I don't think was caused directly by the exercise.  Let me 'splain.  As I get more fit, my blood pressure lowers.  I'm noticeably stronger, I have much more endurance, and the best flexibility I've had since college.  It's highly likely that my blood pressure, which has crept up to about 113/75, is back down to my normal at 110/70.  I'm betting that any little thing, like, say, working my ass off for 20 minutes straight at some serious cardio and then working out hard on floor exercises and then (oops!) standing rapidly back up to do more standing cardio is going to make me dizzy.  I'm hoping that when I hop over whatever hurdle is at the core of this (lazy cardio-vascular system not responding quickly enough?) the dizzies will go away.  Until then, I have little choice but to sit it out.  It's just too stupid to work out while dizzy.  There's no sense in working out to improve my health and then breaking my arm or cracking my head should I pass out.  That's anti-healthy.

Speaking of anti-healthy, I had really, really good fish tacos at the Hawthorne Fish House last night.  Actually, although the fish is deep-fried I'm betting it's not all that bad for me.  Mmmmm ...  And the conversation is awesome.  The Fat Straw Writers rock.  I like hanging out with people who are all smarter than me.

 Hrm.  That was weird.  I tried starting this post three times and it kept quitting on me and going back to my journal page.

Poopyheaded software.

Anyway, today's weigh in: 169 pounds.  But!  But, I have been working out, and I've lost an inch off my waist.  Eventually I'll stop building muscle faster than I lose the equivalent weight in fat.  I blame Jillian.  Her workouts have a lot of strength moves.  (You're killing me, Jillian!  I'm not convinced that sweating that much is good for me.)

I also calculated my age with the Living to 100 calculator.  98.  I should be so lucky!  As long as I can look good doing it.  Okay, maybe look decent.

I'll settle for non-gross.  Which means I'll probably have to stick with Jillian's workouts.  Dammit!

In the TMI department, I had my first lesbian erotic dream in a long time.  I'm sure it means something is going on in the deep recesses of my psyche, well, it would be, except that I don't think I have deep recesses.  Corners and spots under furniture with alarming piles of animal hair, yeah.  Dark pasts and skeletons in the closet?  Sorry, I'm just not that interesting.  Anyway, I had to say no to the hot babe because I'm faithful, even in my dreams and yes it's absolutely still cheating on my husband even if it's with a woman.  Sorry, me lovely ... I'm sure it would have been grand, especially the way you kiss.  Yowza.

In the writing department, I'm still revving up for the master's class.  I hope I'll be able to take it.  The universe is throwing up mega-roadblocks.  That's usually a sign that I'm being tested for my dedication to the craft.  I really don't want to fail this test, and yet, day job, important.  Seeing my DH in September, very important.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I can't wait to find out how this story ends.

Okay, enough chit chat.  Time to get some work done today.  Or maybe have a popsicle.  Maybe both.  Dreyers real fruit popsicles, btw.  They're still horribly bad for me, but I can pretend they're not.  Have a good one, and if it's hot where you're at, stay in the shade and drink lots of water.  Your mommy told me to remind y'all.

 Snagged from mkhobson's post.  Name fifteen books that have stuck with you.  Don't dwell--give yourself a fifteen minute time limit.

Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. LeGuin
Stone Garden by Mary Rosenblum
Chimera by Mary Rosenblum
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
The Prince by Machiavelli
Strong on Defense by Sanford Strong
All Things Wise and Wonderful by James Herriot
Lions Blood by Steven Barnes
Story by Robert McKee
Heavy Weather Sailing by K. Adlard Coles
Roget's International Thesaurus
Dune by Frank Herbert
Saga of a Wayward Sailor by Tristan Jones
On the Nature of Things by Lucretius
The Elements of Style by Strunk and White

I was sad that I couldn't include my favorite Mark Twain stuff, because they weren't his books but his essays.  The collection I most read I seldom read all the way through because the partial pieces don't work for me--incomplete stories don't stick with me.  I thought about not including the thesaurus, but actually as a kid I read it.  I skimmed some of the entries, but read through ones that interested me to learn about how English words interact and overlap and such.  I also looked up a lot of the ones that I didn't know, especially foreign terms that could often be found in the back of my OED (which I considered putting on the list but then realized I hadn't actually read it.)  

I wouldn't say that these books are hands-down the most important books in my life, but they certainly sprang readily to mind, and some of them, like The Prince, Story, Elements of Style and All Things Wise and Wonderful, I've read many, many, many times.

 I am a snurkoid.  I've been sicklebar mowing the shoulder-high grass, but even if I wasn't, there's so much grass pollen out there right now I may as well just find a drain and park my nose over it for the next couple of weeks.

Snurk snurk snurkity snurk snurk.

The tender area under my eyes feels bruised from overactive, irritated sinuses and yes, sometimes I rub my eyes even though I know it's wrong.  They just itch so, so bad.  Eyedrops don't help much.

I think I'll go take a bath and just allow the snot to drip off my face and pool in my lap.  

Argh, I'm rubbing my eyes again!

Time for some Claritin.  Sadly, I can't take anything that works faster (Claritin works, but you have to give it a few days) because of my heart arrhythmia.

Sometimes it's gross to be me.

 Weigh in: 165.2 pounds

My back injury is much, much better.  One of the things that might happen when there's an injury is that the muscles can spasm or lock up to form a natural cast.  My DH's leg muscles did that when he broke his leg (and it worked so effectively that he didn't know he'd broken his leg until Xrays taken much later when he aggravated it by pushing a hay bale with the side of his foot, tweaking the bone just right so that it reminded him there was a problem.)  

Apparently my back was doing something along the lines of a cast or spasm, because after a hard work out, I stretched out for about a half hour while my body was still hot and sweaty.  At first there was no effect on my flexibility.  The best I could do was form a 90 degree angle with my torso and legs.  I did butterfly stretching, downward dog, runner's stretch and back through the sequence again, spending at least 30 seconds in each position.  Additionally, while in downward dog, I shifted my weight from one foot to another, rocked my hips, and kept gently adjusting my spine.  

Finally, something relaxed in there.  When I went into runner's stretch after the third time through the cycle, my regular flexibility had completely returned.  It happened so quickly, in fact, that I didn't trust it, and went through the stretching cycle again.  Still there.

I've been sicklebar mowing the past couple of days.  Really hard work.  My back's been fine.  It's my hands that get sore, gripping and forcing the heavy machine around by the handlebars.  I haven't had to ice or tigerbalm my back, and I've been getting good sleep.  Another health victory.  Yay!

 Our vacation in Ireland was amazing, especially the part where the whole family got to spend almost endless time together doing interesting stuff and seeing wonderful places.  I mostly talk about that on the other blog.  

As far as my weight goes, I didn't gain a single pound there.  Weird, but kewl.  Actually, not so weird, since we walked all over the place and usually ate only two meals a day.  And yet, still weird because those two meals were very rich, and I often had two, even three drinks every day.  The cider, mmm, it comes in pints!  And in both apple and now new pear flavor.  I think they rolled out the pear flavor in anticipation of me coming out to Ireland.  They're really thoughtful that way.

The weigh-in this evening, just after 11pm, 168.2.

I injured my back, darn it, and so I have to go through the regimen.  Ah, what's my regimen?  Glad you asked.  Now, if you're injured someplace, don't do this stuff unless you either A. have had this ilk of injury before and know *positively* what it is and B. it doesn't keep hanging on and on and on with the pain (say, gets worse after three days, or is unchanging for five days.)  I know you people, you crazy sort that think their broken legs are sprains and popped discs are back strain and that burst appendix is mere indigestion.  You're the sort that doctors wish there were more of, so they wouldn't keep getting overburdened by hypochondriacs, and yet also wish you'd wise up and get in before that arm gash goes to gangrene.

I knew I hadn't hurt my back all that badly.  Nothing went snap, crackle or pop.  Although it was painful, I wasn't incapacitated, and it only hurt if I aggravated it--not constantly.  I'd even forget for long stretches that there was anything wrong.  I didn't feel it until the next day, I was able to do exercises using proper posture and remain completely pain free (that last phrase is particularly important) and although it got worse over the next couple of days, it then started to get better.  Yay!  

Having established that this is a minor strain, I:  used ice a couple of times a day.  Right after the injury, if I'd known I was injured, I would have iced for 5 to 10 minutes each hour, but I didn't, so oh well.
Used 200 mg of ibuprofen after any kind of exercise, or when my back felt particularly bad, and before bedtime, but not more than twice a day and never in conjunction with alcohol.
Tiger balm before bed.  (I love my husband.  He thinks the smell of tiger balm is sexy.  Alas, he can't appreciate it right now.)
On the really bad day and the next day after, no booze.  Not even a half glass with dinner.  Although I feel pretty good right now, I've still had no booze.  Why not keep the fast healing moving along at top speed, since I'm already here?  I'm not sure if alcohol actually bothers healing rates, but it makes sense to me that I don't want to distract my waste cleansing system with other jobs.  
Light exercise every day, whatever is possible to do without causing pain.  
Lots of rest in the position of least bother for the injury.
Stretching 2-3 times a day to the warning point.  You know the warning point, where the injury says ouch! Not so fast!  Yeah, take it to just that point where it says yowza, and then back it off a tiny bit so you're in discomfort, but not pain.  Don't play dumb with me, you know the difference.  Discomfort is that thing that makes you want to tense up, but you're able to make yourself relax and breathe and it's okay, just quietly there.  Pain won't shut up, and scrunches you up, and when you try to relax it gets worse because now you've given up what little support the injury had to protect itself from damage, so now you're damaging yourself.  Don't damage yourself, okay?  This is supposed to be good for you.
If the stretch leaves you zinging or you want to reach for the ibuprofen, go ahead and do that, and tiger balm a bit, but don't do that stretch again for a couple of days at least.

So that's my regimen.  It seems to be working well. I'm actually sitting in a chair and I'm not restless or eager to get out of it or anything.  Yay!  Here's hoping I didn't overdo the exercises tonight and that I feel great tomorrow.  I'm icing and feeling the tiger balm working as we speak.  G'night.

 Eeee!  The kitty, it purrs and pesters and is dripping on me!!!

I've been seeking out kitty affection more often now that we're in the single digit days approach on the trip to Ireland.  I shouldn't be surprised when the kitties respond by paying me more attention at other times, like now.  Normally Carey doesn't sit on my lap unless I'm on the massage chair upstairs.  Not today.  She's pouring drool out of both sides of her mouth, purring like mad, kneading my knee and spreading extra-potent rash-inducing dander all over me.

That which does not love me to death makes me stronger.

Truth is that I'll miss all my kitties and puppies and the bunnies and goats and the Smartest Chicken in the World and my garden and all that.  I noticed fat buds on my tree peonies today.  Will they bloom and fade before I return?  The peaches, one apricot and a few cherry trees are blooming.  I figure they'll be done, but what about the apples and pears, all full of buds?  Will I miss them entirely?

I'm tied to this land in so many ways.  Today I've got the gardening bug, but I have to pack for two trips or I'll be a crazy woman later on when I have to prep for (gulp) a long international flight that will take me to my DH in Ireland.  I'm so excited to be with him, and see new places, and meet new people.  There's TMI stuff I've been anticipating, plus just holding his hand while sitting in a restaurant, maybe even sneaking in some tabletop football if the place isn't too fancy, or thumb-wrestling.  I want to hike all over the place, race around the ruins ...

If there were two of me, the one who stayed home would be jealous and sad of the one that went to Ireland, and I doubt the one in Ireland would ever think gee, I wish I was home with my friends and family and animals and the garden.  But I will miss them.

There will be some good stories around the firepit at August Babies Birthday Bash this year.  There and back again, a tale of love, and the coming home.

After sleep I'll write more on Norwescon, most likely on Jestablog.  I'm waay punchy to post a coherent thing at the moment from very little sleep (got to bed at 4am and got up at 9am) and lots of driving followed by more driving, a birthday party (happy birthday, mom!) and more driving.  

I met a lot of really neat people, danced too much (I danced myself sick (from dehydration) at one point and had to lie down to recover before I went out to dance some more,) ate too much, and talked too much.  I'd apologize for talking everyone's ears off, but I loved every second of it, so bleed, me hearties, bleed!  Mwa ha ha ha!

I think the reading went pretty well.  I didn't read Inner Skull after all, but chickened out and went with Advances in Science.  And guess what?!  The next morning I was taking a shower, and the magical thing happened.  I realized what the story needed to feel full and complete.  I'm not sure when I'll have time to work on it.  Maybe tomorrow.

If the shower thing makes no sense, just bear in mind that Ken Scholes and I are identical in the hot water department.  Baths are more reliable as far as generating ideas and working out story issues, at least for me, but showers, hot tubs, hot springs and even washing dishes can do the trick.  Stuck?  Got writer's block?  Get thee to hot water!

Anyway, it'll probably quadruple the story length, but since it's a flash, it'll still come in under 3000 words.  If Kami is a very clever girl, she might even get it in under 1000 words and keep it flashy.

I haven't stepped on the scale yet.  Those of you who know me understand that I'm not too worried about how much I weigh.  I use it as a useful, objective measure of where I am compared to where I have been.  One of the reasons I'm not attached to the weight is that because I know women of my height (5'6") who weigh between 160-170 pounds (73-77kg) don't usually look like me.  I'm not big-boned.  I've got a lot of muscle and muscle weighs more than fat.  I have more insulation than I really want or need, but I don't think I look awful as I am and I'm not going to obsess over 5 pounds or twenty or one.  There's just not much sense in it, especially since I gained some weight last week from all the abuse training my fitness trainer put me through last week.  You can bet that wasn't fat.  Anyway, I'm kinda curious how things went this weekend.  On the one hand, I ate a lot, but on the other, I took the stairs a lot (we were on the sixth floor) and danced a lot and ... it'll be interesting.

On a sad note, Patrick Swenson of Talebones and Fairwood Press announced at Talebones Live that Ken Rand will be leaving our world soon, after a long battle with terminal illness.  Please don't try to contact Ken or his family--they are together and wish privacy at this time.  Please do send healing and sympathetic thoughts and prayers their way.  

Weigh in: 166.0

I have a lot going on this month. It's all good stuff, but because there's so much all at once, there's going to be a lot of pressure. First on the list, Norwescon. I'd like to be able to focus on that, but I have to have my art duckies in a row for the annual women's retreat, and I have to have everything set for our trip overseas before the women's retreat, so I have to divide my time. Every day I have to decide how much progress I need to make in each department. All this, and keeping up on the 101 and maintaining good writing/submission habits has kept things interesting.

Add to that, starting mid-May I'm going to officially start looking for a job. Regardless of what else happens on the economic front, I would like to have health care benefits so that we can save $$ more effectively, or, if my DH doesn't go back to the contracting job (there are as many excellent reasons for not going back as there are for remaining, and there's no guarantee he'd be re-hired) that we have some sort of income until he finds something. Having a safety net, even if it's a pretty flimsy one, is a good thing, and one with health insurance is even better.

It's going to be an interesting April and May. Hopefully it'll be interesting in good ways.

Even though I don't have anything solid to hold up as evidence, I feel like I'm making progress. A flash came back today with a nice personal note in it. I'll send it back out tomorrow. Tomorrow is flash writing day. I'm not quite ready, but I'll have all day to work on it. I've done reading on my loooong reading list. My office is a little more organized. I trained, including a good swim and a balanced arm workout. My flexibility has improved.

Now I'm starting to feel like the Cat from Red Dwarf.

I'm looking nice. My hair is nice, my clothes are nice ... I'm just nice all over!

I am definitely coming down with a cold, though.

Looks like I'll be reading at the Broad Universe rapid fire reading. I hope those of you who'll be at Norwescon will come to listen! If I do get sick, I'm pretty sure I'll be well by then. I'd better be! I don't get many opportunities to read to an audience. Right now I'm leaning toward reading "Inner Skull." It's a flash, so I'll be able to read it in its entirety. Hopefully that's a good thing.

Weigh in: Unknown

Well, I've been officially run ragged, but I've had some good results from the work.

Five manuscripts out.
A glowing rejection with a request to send more stuff.
Taxes are done. OMG, this is so yay!
I knocked off another book off my reading list for a certain award. I'm partway through both of the others, so I'm almost done.
I'm well into the third book out of a deep pile I borrowed from the library for the master writing class.
The house is looking a bit better and we're not buried under laundry.
All but one detail of the trip to Ireland is settled.
I have a new novel and two short stories in the works, plus I'm continuing to carefully polish Masks.
I socialized (thanks Lizzy, great party!!)
I got gardening chores done.
I got a new fitness trainer as my original went off to join the Air Force (his lack of emailing me back now makes sense ... *sigh*)

and sing it with me now ... and a partridge in a pear tree!

I may have gotten sick as a result of my silly schedule, but not the icky sick with the running nose. Just a tired, sore throat, coughing with a mild headache kind of sick that may well go away if I get plenty of sleep tonight. To that end, I hope to be in bed in about an hour. G'night!

I'm going to work out today when I go out on my errands. Being stalled out at 166.6 pounds is making me into a crazy person. I've got the food side taken care of (except the occasional chocolate binge,) so it must be exercise, and that bodily resistance we all know and (don't) love. Best way to tackle that weight retention is to break its little retentive will with some sweat.

My list of things to do is starting to build up again, but they're small things so I'll get some instant gratification love when I take care of them.

I'm loving the Tibetans. I'm at 13 reps right now. I can do two more, which is good, because I'll be increasing by two reps pretty soon. I don't know if I'm growing gradually stronger, or mainly relying on my existing strength. I can see a point in my near future where I won't be able to advance two more reps without having to do a few extra weeks at that rate. But I don't know for sure. It's a grand experiment. Maybe I'll get to my 21 reps without having to hit a plateau. Since I know how much I loooove plateaus, I will weep big ol' crocodile tears if I miss one this time around.

I've noticed I have some stiffness/resistance in visualizing a big writing contract. What's with that? I can't even fully embrace the notion that I might have a contract like that someday? I think I've discovered a poopyheaded issue. I'm gonna eat it for a snack after workout today.

Weigh in: 166.6 (3/3/09)

I did writing stuff today, and chatted with our travel agent about our travel arrangements. It feels like I'm digging myself out from under a ton of muck. Today I actually felt a little lighter, like I was making real progress, like things might be better than they were a month ago. Still, there's a lot of pressure. Everyone's feeling it. I think winter contributes to that sense of looming darkness. The sun came out today, and I can't shrug it off as coincidence. I think when we hit some warm, dry weather, things won't seem so stressful, and maybe everything--personal situations, the economy, politics, health, everything--will open up. I'll be ready when that happens. Opportunity doesn't wait around for people to find their feet.

Excuse me, I have a bad case of CIL (cat in lap.)

Weigh in: 166.6

When I started the 101, I had to come up with a do-able relationships goal. I decided on getting us all together overseas, and overseas turned out to be Ireland. In some ways this wasn't an ideal goal. It didn't really deal directly with my family except hauling their butts thousands of miles for a vacation. Vacation isn't always the best bonding time, ya know? But it turned out that this was a great goal for learning stuff. I won't go into all the (ack, cat attacking my arm!) details but one of the things (not necessarily--ack, cat attacking my arm again!--most important) I've found is how I organize, or rather, how I don't organize very well. Although I'm pretty good at having my duckies all in a row and knowing all the things that should happen, and my lists are fairly complete and I research well, my actual physical organization needs major work.

Why are you all *not* looking surprised? Oh, that's right, most of you have seen my house.

This failure to physically organize my crap impacts the whole family. If I fix this, my relationships will be more fulfilling for everyone involved. Funny how I learn stuff I already know, you know? It's just that the space issue has always had this stupid '50s mom baggage tacked onto it, and stuff with my actual mom baggage, and the whole 'if I'm doing housework I'm not writing' thing--and it's all transparently dumb. It has nothing to do with reality. There's more than enough time in a day to do housework and write. I don't have to feel like I'm in my mom's shadow anymore. That's me, not her, messing with my own head. And I can have a clean house without that making some sort of statement about me being a hausfrau. I know all this. I see my friends with organized, clean homes and I don't make some sort of weird judgement about them. I think it's simply awesome. I don't have to feel shame for my shambles, but I don't have to have anti-shame that is all about the fearing shame either.

That probably made no sense.

Anyway, interesting on how it's coming together. And now that I'm done, of course, the cat is purring and resting his head on his elbow. Which means I have to keep typing to keep from disturbing him.

Well, I do have this story I'm working on ...

Thanks for reading.

I'll mostly be posting about Radcon on my other blog if anyone is curious.

I didn't fast all weekend, figuring that dropping my blood sugar down while I'm sick and exhausted might be a bad idea. I weighed in at 171 last night and shrugged. Too tired to get upset over a couple of pounds. But boy, was the food bad. I had very little good food all weekend. Am I the only person who wants things like hot food served at something hotter than room temperature, and food with lots of veggies, and food with real meat that hasn't been processed and preserved or coated in starches and deep fried? I know I'm weird, but ...

I also had no hot showers all weekend. Wait, I take that back. Thursday night I had a hot shower before bedtime because I like to go to bed clean-ish. At home I usually take a bath before bed and I figured I wouldn't have time the rest of the weekend to have an evening soak. I was right about that, and sad about that because lukewarm/cold showers are teh suk.

Other than facilities-related issues that Radcon had no control over, I had a wonderful time at Radcon. Fabulous people, great conversations, learned stuff, taught stuff, served lots of alcohol for a good cause, drank a wee bit, and I didn't have enough time to do everything I wanted. Because I was sick, I don't think I could have lasted one more day, but I would have tried.

Tomorrow C.S. and I will be heading off to Radcon with Hugo Award Winning Author David Levine! That'll be some great company. I look forward to the conversation, assuming there isn't stalwart silence and all of us staring out a different window the whole time.

This morning I weighed in at 165.6. I haven't been that low in a while, I think since last summer, so I'm a pretty happy camper. On the other hand, that was the morning after a fast day, so it's a 'low' weight. Also, I expect that at Radcon I'll have some setback thanks to eating out a lot.

I've been keeping up on the Tibetans. I'm at 9 reps right now, with the end point by the 101 days landing on 21 reps on all five exercises. I'm already moving more smoothly, and I'm actually getting some abdominal fatigue by the time I'm done with the second movement. Not necessarily a good, or bad, thing. Just an observation. The Tibetans aren't meant to be exercise, although they can be strenuous. It's a physical meditation.

I'm editing steadily on the novel, and I made some headway on short story writing. Things are also looking up for Ireland. All in all, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's definitely not a train. Day 27 has been good to me.

Today's morning weight: 167.0

It's only about a quarter to seven and I'm tired, as in want to go to bed tired. I don't know if it's the snow/low pressure, the warmth from the wood stove, fasting today, or what. I just feel done in.

I bet part of it is that I didn't get outside today. Stayed in the whole time. I feel like I got nothing done, but I did in fact get some writing done. Well, editing more like. Tuesdays are normally Fireside days, and I missed hanging with the gang and writing like a crazy person. Fireside meetings are very productive for me, one of the many reasons why I make a point of going.

I'm going to try something weird and take a nap. If I wake up late this evening, I'll do some writing. If I sleep through the night, I'll probably get up really early and, you guessed it, write. I often have to reset my clock from staying up too late. Somehow, I doubt going to bed early will require resetting. If anything, it may get me on a seriously awesome sleep schedule, where I have plenty of free time to accomplish stuff in the morning when I'm at my perkiest.

If this works, I may keep this schedule through summer. My first few summers here I got up at dawn, and the long days went a long way toward developing the garden and getting lots of writing done.

Tomorrow I have to put my stuff together for Radcon. I hope I'll see some of my blog readers there!

I have little bumps and hiccups, but I'm making appropriately slow and steady progress. I weigh the same as I did on January 14th (170 on the nose,) so I feel a little stagnated still, but I do bear in mind some factors like the fact that I'm just coming off a cycle, and I'm probably putting on some muscle. Also, bodies and minds have a way of clinging to the status quo. I'm trying to reset my status quo, and my mind and body are doing everything they can to hold on to my weight, shape, habits, everything and prove to me that all this effort is a waste of time and effort.

Fortunately I know better. Like in writing, and in life, intelligent persistence will pay off. Though I haven't lost much for weight in this first 21 days, I am successfully changing my habits. This will pay off big time in the long run. I've got 80 days more to see what comes of all this. Actually, I have the rest of my life, but I have 80 days on the formal program. This is an experiment, and data is valuable. How much change will occur in 101 days? What areas do I tend to slack on or gripe about? What do I go after whole-heartedly?

People don't measure their data points very often. Weight and waistline are rare exceptions. Sometimes people measure their wages or work responsibility--how much they made when they started out, how much they make now, how much they have to do for those wages, what they have to deal with. One of the neat things that 101 measures is how well you keep promises to yourself, how directly or indirectly you approach goals, how long it takes to establish a habit, how often you fall down.

Some folks won't keep track of that stuff, which is fine. But I get a lot out of looking at the numbers of all this. I've been keeping track of just a couple of areas. I think I'll look at more areas. They're not hard to document. Tibetans--yes or no. Heartbeat and triangle meditations, yes or no. Did I send out a query, have I written that day. Number of times for the 5 minute miracle. That last one I'm not likely to look at. I won't always be near a notepad to give myself a hatchmark, and my memory is more spongey than trappy.

Speaking of goals, I should get on mine before it gets so late that I start making excuses or put it off until tomorrow morning. Given the opportunity to slack off, my status quo inner poopyhead takes every advantage presented. Fortunately I've been thinking about writing all day and I'm eager to get some done.

Take that, status quo! I'll come out ahead in spite of you. Ha!

Just a quick post today 'cause I have stuff to do.

I finished my tibetans just a wee bit ago, continuing my (rocky) change to doing them during the day rather than at the last minute in the evening. Thanks to some writing, acting, reacting, and support from the 101 group, I got my weight unstuck. Yay! I think, even though I do stairs and stuff inside, that I really have to go *out* to really feel alive. It doesn't matter if I go shopping, to the post office, to work out, for a walk on the river, hiking up the hill with the dogs (which I'm about to do) or gardening or going to a friend's house for tea. If I don't get out of the house I stagnate, and that stagnation feeds into my physical self, not just my emotional one.

Cases in point--I didn't get that agent query out until after the INK meeting, which got me out of the house. I do most of my writing these days at Fireside. I do writing and editing other times throughout the week, but my best words/hour are when I get out. After gardening and a walk by the river before an OSFCI meeting last night, I felt more windy inside. Last night I had some amazing, cleansing, vivid, happy/adventurous/sad dreams and woke up feeling like a million bucks. When I talked to my DH today, I felt connected and mischievous and sexy and giddyhappy. And I'm excited to take the hairy barbarians out today in the sun and wind, even though they're going to go bananas for the first stretch and yank my arms out of their sockets (but not all at once-they're semi-civilized and obey commands for as long as two seconds.) I'm looking forward to the stormy sea of unconditional love, and the calm joy after they've tired themselves out (takes about a quarter mile) and the sense of cold, wild air inside me after I've gone inside. Then I'll spend the rest of the day at Fireside.

I was elected to the Board of Directors for OSFCI last night. An honor, totally unexpected. I hope the board and OSFCI members and fandom in general forgive my initial newbness.

If you feel like being bossed around today, I'll happily boss you now. Get out! Get away from the computer and if it's only to step out on the porch to appreciate a storm or the cold or to be glad you're not in the rain or heat or wherever you are, then fine. You can ignore this directive if you work outside. You get to stay in, but stretch your whole body and breathe deep. Enjoy your bodies while you have 'em, folks. They don't last forever.